Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
