I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
