Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
