Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
