she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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