Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
high people should be assigned attendants
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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