First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
