So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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