Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
