Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
