you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Let's get the cat blown out
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
