i was born a porn star she said
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
