just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
