If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize