theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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