totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
