I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
