I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
