i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
