Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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