Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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