Everything about him screamed your future.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
