I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
