I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
