i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
