I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
