The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
