dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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