The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I deserve this hangover.
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