He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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