loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
