what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
