Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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