i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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