I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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