ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
