As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
