I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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