I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
