oh god the rape fog is back!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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