Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My ATM looks so different sober.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
