You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
