My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We left the knife in your bed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
