it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
