Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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