How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
