YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
