I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
