Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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