Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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