I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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