Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
