We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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