You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize