i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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