Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
