I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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