Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
