the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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