420 ftw
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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