Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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