What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I will pee on everything he values.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
