I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
