i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
