my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
