I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
