I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
