I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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